Neola Zama:to themselves and their needs

World Mental Health Day, observed on October 10 each year, is a global initiative aimed at raising awareness about mental health issues and mobilising efforts to support mental well-being.

Established by the World Federation for Mental Health in 1992, this day serves as a reminder of the importance of mental health and the need for accessible mental health care for all.

Each year, a specific theme is chosen to highlight different aspects of mental health, such as suicide prevention, mental health in the workplace, or the impact of mental health on physical health. The day is marked by various activities, including educational events, advocacy campaigns, and community outreach programmes, all designed to reduce stigma and promote understanding.

The theme for World Mental Health Day 2024 is “Mental Health at Work”. And although a special day has been set aside in observance of World Mental Health Day, mental health matters every day.

This year’s theme emphasises the crucial connection between mental health and the workplace, highlighting how a supportive work environment can significantly impact mental well-being.

With a large portion of the global population engaged in work, it’s essential to address the mental health challenges that can arise in professional settings. This year’s theme encourages employers, governments, and organisations to take proactive steps to create healthier work environments. This includes implementing policies that promote mental well-being, providing access to mental health resources, and fostering open conversations about mental health in the workplace.

According to a professional therapist with over two decades of experience Neola Zama, women’s mental health can often suffer because of an inculcated drive for performance and productivity in the workplace and at home that has been ingrained in women from childhood.

Zama, who holds a BSc in Psychology with Human Resource Management and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work, initially started her business as a one-woman private practice. After many years of providing psychotherapy for men and women across all walks of life, she has honed in on working one-on-one with women specifically, who are survivors of relational pain from abuse, and women who struggle with trauma.

According to Zama, “girls universally are socialised to be good girls, do well in school, help out at home, and perform to the highest level in everything. This is why girls outperform boys at various levels of schooling.”

This syndrome, called the “good girl syndrome,” is essentially a pressure that is put on girls from an early stage, which can create a deep well of imperfection if they are not able to achieve lofty and sometimes impossible goals of excelling in every aspect of their lives.

Girls then become women who overextend themselves in a variety of ways—acting in more senior positions without salary increases or feeling pressured to come back to work without taking a full maternity leave.

These acts of overextension have a significant impact on their mental health. She says that “women present more with anxiety and depression, fibromyalgia, and cancer, and studies show that there is a strong correlation between women’s reluctance to express anger and the development of inflammation in the body, making them more prone to illness.”

Outside of the workplace, in interpersonal relationships, Zama said there exists another manifestation of women’s inability to say no. As a therapist who works closely with survivors of domestic abuse or women who have been in toxic relationships, she indicates that women “often confuse chaos and thrill for romance, causing them to self-sacrifice and become martyrs in relationships.”

These women who suffer silently through toxic relationships have not been nourished, tended to, or taught that it’s okay to say no or express anger.

This comes from a societal gap that exists in our culture, where women are not taught by older female figures how to develop healthy relationships with men, as they are told “not to talk to boys, not have sex until marriage, and the whole concept of having a relationship with a boy is taboo until adulthood when people suddenly ask when you’re getting married.”

These expectations then continue throughout the entire duration of women’s lives, with constant scrutiny and expectations on women’s performance as wives and mothers. How should women care for their mental health?

Zama said that reparenting oneself was a good place to start. “A good parent knows if a child is tired, put them to bed; if a child is thirsty, get them water. So one of the first things women need to do is pay attention to themselves and their needs rather than what we are taught to do, which is pay excessive attention to the needs of others.”

She suggests that focusing on yourself can be simple by checking in with yourself and assessing your needs, which can include not skipping meals, using the bathroom when needed, taking time off, and building healthy habits. In the realm of caring for your mental health within interpersonal relationships, she encourages women to lean into their softness and tenderness and seek safe spaces where they can be vulnerable and heard, whether with female friends or with a therapist.

Additionally, she called for older women to be open and honest with younger women and create a culture of safety where womanhood is not shrouded in mystery and confusion.

“When I grew up, I didn’t get a period talk; it just happened. Now that I’m in a perimenopausal phase, I had no idea what was going on with me because my aunts and grandmother never talked to me about it; I just knew they got hot and sweaty and grouchy at a certain age.”

Being comfortable and open in ourselves as women means that we should all take time to know our bodies, understand the phases, and talk to young women in our circles and communities about things they can expect rather than gatekeeping the unique and challenging experience of womanhood.

In celebrating Mental Health Day 2024, it is crucial to break the cycle of silence around women’s issues and women’s mental health. In efforts to heal women’s mental health, women should accept that they can embody both ferocity and tenderness and “find joy in being soft, kicking back, relaxing, and enjoying themselves, all while looking for pockets of goodness.”

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